Like this:

I saw a bumper sticker the other day. It said: What if doing the Hokey Pokey IS what it’s all about?
I laughed, and thought of Paula, and the time she made me stand up at the front at a playschool tea, and do the Hokey Pokey in front of all the parents and grandparents.
Good times.
You know, people don’t realize that I am a very shy person.
They’re always asking me to stand up in front of people and do things.

Doing the Hokey Pokey.
The more I thought about it, the more I came to think that there is a grain of truth in that statement.
What do you do in the Hokey Pokey?
You put your right hand in,
you take your right hand out,
You put your right hand in
And you shake it all about.
You do the hokey pokey, and you turn yourself around,
That’s what it’s all about.

BUT that’s NOT what it’s ALL about, because then you have to do it all over again with your left hand.
And then you think, “Okay, I get it… THAT’S what it’s ALL about.”

BUT you’re NOT done.
You have to put your right foot in, and then your left foot in, and then your head.
And you think you’re finally done.
But you’re not, because then you have to put your whole body in.

It’s very exhausting.
Which is why teachers of small children like it.

I wonder if I could get junior high kids to do the Hokey Pokey?

I think one of the reasons why the Hokey Pokey is so exhausting is because you keep thinking that it’s over… that you’ve done all the verses, and that you’re finally finished. But you’re never finished.

Life IS a little bit like doing the Hokey Pokey.
Have you ever been through something difficult? A time when you had to rely on God for something – strength, patience, safety, health? A time when you knew that it was just you and God? And you knew that if you didn’t cling to Him, you would just slide into the abyss?

If you’re alive, and if you have a relationship with God, then I’m sure you’ve had times like this. It might have been just a moment, or it may have lingered for months, or even years.
And sometimes, when it is all over, we can look back and see how God touched our life in the midst of that darkness. We see a truth we learned, or a little growth spurt we experienced, or a deepening of our relationship with God.
And we might be tempted to think that we figured it all out. That we know the WHYS.

I can’t tell you how many times I have figured out what life is all about. Or, at least, what my life is all about.
And I’d say to God, “OH! I get it! THAT’S what this is all about!” And I’d refer to the lesson, I thought I had learned through it all.

Have you ever read The Bike Lesson by Stan and Jan Berenstein? I’d be like those little bears, “Thank you, thank you, now I see. That was a very good lesson for me.”

But, like the Hokey Pokey, I’d turn myself about, and find myself learning the same lesson again later on. The circumstances might be different, but the “lesson” was similar.

It’s like there’s an overarching theme to my life.
It’s different for all of us, but for me, this overarching theme has often had to do with learning how to let go of my expectations about what my life is going to be like.
Learning how to relinquish this obsessive need to control everything, and to make everything go MY way.

So, thinking in terms of this overarching theme, I’ve begun to think of my life as a book. Divided into episodes, or short stories, linked by a coummon theme – or a number of common themes. And these stories are building to some sort of climax.

I’ve always thought in stories. At night, before I went to sleep, I would make up stories in my head. Of course, I was always the main character, and I was always heroic, and adventurous, and talented and beautiful.
Did I mention that the stories were always about me?
And I was always heroic.

So, realizing that my life is like a book, sort of a collection of short stories that build on a theme is not really a new thing.
What IS new, is that I’ve just had a startling epiphany.

I really did have this epiphany.
It happened last week.

I am NOT the main character of my stories. In fact, my life story isn’t really about ME at all.
AND, I’m not going to really know what it was all about until it’s over, and I get to sit down and have a cup of coffee with the author.

There have been lots of times when I thought I knew what it was about, or at least what the recurring themes were, but now I’m not so sure. Its plot is much more intricate, and its themes more far-reaching that I can possibly imagine.

Proverbs 19:21
Many are the plans in a man’s heart, but it is the LORD’s purpose that prevails.

I was not the One who picked up a pen and began the story, and I won’t be the One who writes “The End” on the last page.
God is the author of my life story.
He is the finisher of my life story.
AND
He is the main character.

And so, as a mere supporting character, it’s not really up to me what belongs in the story. I don’t get to say to the author, “You know that plot twist you’re planning on page 27? Yeah, that’s not going to work. I don’t want to be married for eleven years before I finally get to have a baby. Because then I’ll be OLD, and the whole Abraham and Sarah thing has already been done.”
OR
“I don’t think that cancer plot-line is the way to go. I mean, haven’t we all read enough stories about mothers dying of cancer? It just sounds so cliche, so cheesy. Let’s not go there. You’re going to have to do a major rewrite”

Many are the plans in a man’s heart, but it is the LORD’s purpose that prevails.

I read a book last summer that gave me some new insights about the Fall.

So, there’s this tree in the Garden of Eden. The Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil.
A tree of knowledge, or understanding, or comprehension, or expertise.

And God says to Adam, “You are free to eat from any tree in the garden;but you must not eat from the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil, for when you eat of it you will surely die.”

I noticed a couple of things when I read this the other night: first, Eve wasn’t there. She hadn’t even been created yet, Second: God did not say “for IF you eat of it you will surely die.” He said, “for WHEN you eat of it you will surely die.”
He already knew the plotline. He wasn’t making it up as he went.

So, Eve was created, and the man and his wife were naked, and were content with that.
And soon, along came the serpent, and convinced Eve that God had a hidden agenda in his decree about the fruit. The serpent convinced Eve that God did not want them to know that the fruit would open their eyes, and that they would be like God, knowing good and evil. That is, UNDERSTANDING good and evil; COMPREHENDING good and evil; having an EXPERTISE about good and evil

And so, Adam and Eve, desirous of gaining that “wisdom,” or “expertise” ate the fruit.

As soon as their lips touched that fruit; in that instant of their disobedience, something momentous happened.
They had a fallen nature.
They could never “be like God,” as the serpent had said.
AND, they could never have a knowledge of good and evil. Not a true knowledge. Their understanding, their comprehension, their expertise was filtered through their fallen nature.

Because what did they do first? They looked at themselves, and at each other and said, “Wow. We’re naked. Naked is bad. We need to cover up.”
Now, who told them that naked is bad, or that seeing your husband or wife naked is bad? No one. They made a judgement based on their so-called expertise, filtered through their fallen nature.

And humankind has been doing the same for thousands of years. We think we know what is good and what is evil.

We have a propensity to make judgements about the things that come into our lives; to declare whether something is good or bad in our life.

Going back to my story illustration, we make judgements about what happens in our story based on whether things make us happy or sad. If it makes us happy, it must be a good thing. If it makes us sad, or causes pain, it must be a bad thing.
And, we think we can figure out what it all means. We do the hokey pokey, and we turn ourselves around – and we decide “THAT’S what it’s all about.”

Two years ago, I had rectal cancer. I had surgery, and months of radiation and chemo.
And God was there in power, refining me through fire.
And I was better.
And I went back to work.
And I was so happy.

But about two months ago, I received confirmation that the cancer had returned. And this time, it is not curable.

When I started telling people that the cancer had returned, there were a lot of different responses.
But one response that I found a bit puzzling was when people said to me, “Cancer is NEVER part of God’s plan!”

Really?
Well, it certainly wasn’t my plan.
But, I’m not the one writing the book.

Hebrews 12:2 says, “Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of God.”

He is the AUTHOR and PERFECTER of my FAITH
* Notice that it says FAITH not LIFE – this tells me that my faith is more valuable to God than my life is.

So, maybe God will write some really hard things into my life to perfect my faith, or to “finish” my faith, as the King James version says.
So, I don’t want to say that cancer is a bad thing in my life; that it’s evil. I don’t want to say that if God’s big plan is to use cancer to perfect my faith.

And not just my faith.

My little baby girl is seven years old; her brother is ten. MY plan is to be a mother to my children, and to raise them as best as I can: to help my daughter choose a wedding gown; to watch my son deliver the valedictory address at his graduation. MY plan is to grow old with my husband.

Many are the plans in a man’s heart, but it is the LORD’s purpose that prevails.

But God is writing a really big story, and I am not the main character. HE is the main character of my story. And He has already designed my story to perfect my faith.
It’s not just my faith that’s being finished here. The little collection of short stories that makes up my life is connected to the stories that make up Laurie’s life, and her collection is connected to Lynay, and Lynay’s are connected to Tammie’s, and so on.

The story God is writing is HUGE.

A couple of weeks ago, my surgeon said to me, “You must feel as though you’ve landed in the deep water without a life preserver. I wish I could throw you a life preserver, but I don’t know which one to throw.”
They can’t get to the bottom of this cancer. It’s a tricky one, and they don’t know how to treat it yet.

So I went home, and thought about what he had said; and a few days later I wrote him a note. I said: I already have a life preserver. His name is Jesus, and no matter how deep the water gets, or how rough the waves, I know that He will encircle me with His arms, and keep me safe. He holds my life and keeps me from sinking.
I told him that my children are praying for God to dissolve the cancer and make me whole. I let them pray like that, and I told him that whether God heals me or not, my life is in His hands and I trust Him.

My surgeon’s faith is part of the story, too. And God’s plans will prevail.

Just after my son was born, the labour and delivery nurse turned around and said, “Is everyone in this room a Christian?” She had heard us praying during the labour.
We all laughed and said, “Yes!”
She picked up my little baby boy, and prayed a beautiful prayer of anointing. She prayed that the Lord would raise him up to be a prophet of God.
Today I know that the beautiful faith of this little ten year old boy is being refined by the fire.
I’ve heard him pray, “Oh Lord, it says in the Psalms that you will cover us with your feathers, and under your wings we will find refuge. Oh, Lord, we need those wings and feathers now.”
And I think to myself, well, Nathan is part of this big huge plan of God, too. Maybe this is part of how God plans to equip him for his life’s work.

Nathan’s faith is part of the story.

When I first heard the new diagnosis a few weeks ago, I was lost in despair for a few weeks. This is not a curable situation. I can be treated for a time, but I cannot be cured.
Not by medicine, anyway.

So, that was a little hard to take.

I just didn’t understand.
I didn’t understand why God would allow me to have to little babies, only to take me away from them before they are grown.
I didn’t understand how He would let me do the job I love, only to make me give it up.

I wasn’t angry at God; I just didn’t get it.
So I said to Him, “I just don’t get it. I need you to help me.”
He said, “Trust me.”
He said, “You need to turn from your despair. I don’t want ‘incurable ‘ to be your word. I am giving you a new word.”

HOPE

And as soon as He impressed that word upon me, I felt it flutter to life in my heart.
I know a lot of people have been praying for that to happen; for me to release my fear and despairt to God, and be filled with HOPE.
And it happened.

The very next day I went to school. It was chapel day, and I walked in a bit late. I almost didn’t go. I almost stayed behind to get caught up on some things. But, I felt a little tug, and I went.
I walked in just in time to here Stephanie Wilkenson say, “We need to humble ourselves right where we are and get on our knees and pray that she will be healed.” And she said that anyone who wanted to could come to the front and pray.
I thought, “Uh oh, I think she’s talking about me.” So I went over to my friend Sarah, who’s in grade twelve, and said, “Is she talking about me?”
She nodded.
We threw our arms around each other and stood there crying.
And I thought of how thankful I am for this young woman. I first met her when she was a baby, and now she is holding me close and sustaining me. My story is part of her story, too.

Up until the day before, whenever anyone said that they were praying that God would heal me, I would say, “You go ahead and pray that. I can’t pray that yet.”
It wasn’t in my heart.
I had no hope.

But God had given me a new word.

Romans 4:18
Against all hope, Abraham in hope believed and so became the father of many nations,
Even when it didn’t make any sense, God helped Abraham to act in hope.

And so in hope, I grabbed Sarah’s hand and we went to the front of chapel. We knelt down and began to cry and pray, just slently at first. Within seconds, I could feel kids crowding around me, kneeling down, reaching out to touch me, praying out in loud voices asking God to heal me. Soon most of the chapel band had stopped playing, and were clustered around me, praying. It was powerful, and God was moving.
It went on for awhile, and then we returned to my seat.

What I didn’t know, but found out by talking to some of the other kids later in class, was that kids all over the room just dropped to their knees right where they were, to pray. Kids that I would never had expected to be so bold were praying right there, on their knees.
And I was completely overwhelmed.
First because, I felt so loved and cared for.
But more importantly because I saw a glimpse into that big huge plan of God’s.

He is not just perfecting my faith.
He is perfecting the faith of all those kids at the Christian school.
And together we are learning that His hope, “is an anchor for the soul, firm and secure…” as Hebrews 6:19 says.

I told the kids that I was searching out HOPE verses in the Bible; and every day or so, I bring a new one and put it on my white board.
And you know what?
Now kids are bringing me hope verses, and writing them on the white board.

So, I don’t want to make judgements about what is good and what is bad in my life anymore.
How can cancer be bad, if that’s what God brings about?
It can be painful, and sorrowful, and hard.
But it’s not bad.

So, I guess what I’m saying is that I’m not going to do the Hokey Pokey anymore.
I’m not going to turn myself about, and decide what life is all about.

I’m just going to say that it’s all a lot bigger and more complicated than I thought.
And I’m just going to leave that with God.
He knows the plotline, and the themes.
He knows whose stories belong together, and He is going to make sure that they touch.
I just need to trust Him
Deuteronomy 32:4
He is the Rock, his works are perfect, and all his ways are just. A faithful God who does no wrong, upright and just is he.

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